The Big Book of Submission Blog Tour is Here!

Posted on August 10, 2014September 8, 2014 by Jade A. Waters

The Big Book of Submission: 69 Kinky Stories is out now from Cleis Press, and I have to say, I’m thrilled to be part of another of Rachel Kramer Bussel’s super sexy flash fiction collections. The stories in here are shorter—1,200 words or less—which means the anthology is packed full of stories from writers I’m proud to share pages with, each one providing a new take on submission.

My story in the anthology is called “Others,” and I previously posted an excerpt here—so today I want to focus on the story itself as well as share a somewhat hilarious behind-the-scenes tale. Let’s start with the story. “Others” is the first time I ventured from the lighthearted and playful stories I started with into a darker, heavier style. The bulk of this was that I wanted to experiment with a tone I used back when I wrote speculative fiction, but another part was approaching themes I gravitate to both as a writer and a reader—submission, exhibitionism, and m/f/m dynamics. The first, submission, has always intrigued me; I’m captivated by the trust involved in surrendering to someone else, as it’s an entirely different level of intimacy that I find intensely powerful. The second theme, exhibitionism, is dear to my heart—I’ve confessed on an alternate blog tour stop that my first orgasm with another person was under a third person’s watchful eye, and thus the concept has long been one I like to explore in my work. Finally, there’s the m/f/m dynamic…well, let’s say this fascination sparked the night I walked into my senior prom with not one, but two dates on my arm. Ah, memories…

All right, moving along…now that we got the deep dark part of this out of the way, I need to flash my lighter side (for those of you of the astrology ilk, I am a Gemini, through and through). See, I have a somewhat ridiculous and embarrassing behind-the-scenes story for the creation of “Others”—and since so often there’s seriousness in our back stories, I figured this goofy tidbit needed to be shared.

Shortly after I saw Rachel Kramer Bussel’s call for this anthology, I had a morning to write before a late afternoon chiropractic appointment. I was so inspired I planned to write all the way up until I had to leave—but I’d only gotten a few paragraphs in before the receptionist called and asked if I’d be able to come early due to some sort of emergency meeting.

I like being helpful, so of course I packed up and set out…but the story was burning a hole in my brain and I couldn’t let it sit for hours (my chiropractor is almost 45 minutes from me). I decided that this was the day to try dictation. Why not? If I could write erotica, I could certainly talk it to myself while driving, right?

Um, kind of.

So there I was, dictating away…but I have a theatre background, so I admit I was getting carried away with the lines. I was doing voices and everything, which got me a bit worked up over the whole thing. Still, I was doing okay. I focused on the road. I could manage this. I was cool. And then a few minutes later, right in the middle of a majorly heated part…

Some asshole swerved and almost hit me.

Naturally, I did what you do—I flipped the fuck out and screamed some obscenities he couldn’t hear through my closed windows. It took me a good minute to settle down (we’re talking two inches away going 70 on a freeway, guys), and then I attempted to continue my narration. I arrived at my chiropractor ten minutes later rather pink-cheeked—partially over the near-hit, but also over the story narration—and my doctor even said so.

“Good day today, Jade? You look…happy.”

“Oh, I am. Was just…uh…fleshing out a story, you know…”

Yeah. So when I left, I decided I’d had enough dictation for the day and opted to work the tale around in my head until I got home, where I sat down to listen to my recording and type it all up.

Now, narrating erotica is one thing. Listening to yourself dramatically narrating a hot story is an entirely different matter. Sure it was funny because I was over the top, on one hand, but on the other, I was getting a little hot under the collar (I’m an extremely aural person). I remember thinking, Jesus seriously? I just recorded this driving? This scene is getting really intense…wow, why, WHY did I act it out? Is it hot in here? Theatre people should not be allowed behind a mic with erotica like EVER. Ever!

And all of a sudden, I heard…

“Holy shit, asshole! Learn to drive! Oh my fucking god!”

Then, after a brief pause, the recording striving for an Erotica Oscar segued right back into more naughtiness.

I am sorry to say I deleted this recording (because why would I ever play that for anyone, ever?)…but I assure you I laughed pretty hard. I finished transcribing and then continued the story with a big fat amused smile on my face. And after that, I decided dictation was maybe not my thing—especially not while driving.

So there you have it! A little humor behind “Others,” my [not at all funny] story in The Big Book of Submission: 69 Kinky Tales.

Want to get your hands on this sexy book? You can pick it up right here.

Be sure to continue on the virtual tour for more back stories, reviews, excerpts, and more. The stops are listed right here.

Thanks for joining me on this stop! And, er…be safe on the road, folks…

XX,
Jade

Eye Candy

Posted on May 28, 2014September 9, 2014 by Jade A. Waters

A couple months ago, I shared a pretty picture under the title Any Excuse (for Ass) just because. It was a good picture, and I’m thinking that every once in a while, we need a similar visual treat here. I mean, why not? I admit, this could be on my mind because I’ve been ~~stalking hot men on Pinterest~~ playing on Pinterest lately, or maybe because sometimes I think we can all use a little eye candy, but today the fates have collided to provide you with two pretty images!

Rough life, huh?

The first is an image I found while researching <cough>, and it was simply too hot not to share:

Sexy black and white image of man crawling on beach in only his black briefs.

Admit it—you like it, too.

I don’t know what’s going on with this guy. Maybe he’s lost a ring in the sand. Maybe he’s crying over his woman running away off camera (what?) or getting stung by a jellyfish. Or, he needs to show off how good his ass looks in his trunks, and wants people to wish they were the sand beneath him (I do). No matter what the reason, this photo needed to be seen.

Naturally, in the name of research and to find a picture that would work for everyone (since that one might not have done it for some of you), I decided to do a little more snooping. I can’t entirely explain the channels I navigated, but let’s say I randomly stumbled upon the model who stars on the cover of Holiday Spice (which includes my story, “Office Santa“). Some of you may remember how much I oohed and ahhed over the cover model, and it turns out this site had a whole bunch of photos of him. I found the following just for you:

Couple getting cozy with Paris in the background

I’m sorry, is that Paris in the background? I’m too distracted.

Anyway, I think I had a point to today’s post, but I lost it.

FYI, the stock title for the above picture is “Young sexy couple making passionate love in bed against window overlooking Paris skyline with retro vintage sepia tones.”

But let’s not get too specific about it, okay?

XX,
Jade

P.S. Seriously fantastic thing happening here next week! Yes, June 4th…stay close! 🙂

Because I’m a Tease

Posted on May 21, 2014September 9, 2014 by Jade A. Waters

Today I have all sorts of sexy news!

Well…kind of. Honestly, some of it is a lot of tease. Why?

You’ll see. 😉

So, hmmm, where to start…First off, I have thrilling information I’ve been sitting on—I have a story in Rachel Kramer Bussel’s upcoming anthology Hungry for More! The book is all about female fantasies, and it’s sure to be hot, hot, hot!

While the cover reveal is yet to come and the release date is late this year, I do have a super sexy table of contents for you to preview. Look:

Introduction: Getting Explicit
Submissive Jacqueline Applebee
Happy Endings Giselle Renarde
Craig’s List Greta Christina
Bringing the Heat Tiffany Reisz
Madam Secretary Jaye Markham
Kitchen Slut Olivia Archer
Just Once Jocelyn Dex
Boat Rocking D.L. King
The Sleeper’s Beauty Jade A. Waters
Upstairs at the Ava DelovelyOlive
Organically Grown Brandy Fox
The Room Of Guarantees Jessica Lennox
Redrawing the Lines Bren Emile
Tickle Day Jeremy Edwards
Relief Katya Harris
Jailbait Torch Song Valerie Alexander
Red Lipstick Erzabet Bishop
Something Sleazy Elizabeth Coldwell
The Instructor Rose de Fer
My Pillarbox Red Cock Tilly Hunter
A First Time for Everything Rachel Kramer Bussel

What a hot lineup! I’m pretty excited about the story I have in this one, so I will pass on more news as soon as I have it…

This is actually the case with most of the news I have today: it’s all up my sleeve for just the right time, and all of it is so, so good. So for now, I’m going to have to play the tease. What I can tell you is that some of my news is almost-official, and more of it is official-official (aka, closer to reveal time). Like, for example, I mailed off contracts last week for three smoking hot anthologies, two of which will be my first time with an editor I adore—but I can’t tell you what the anthologies are yet. But soon. Soon!

I also have two crazy fantastic things coming down in about the next two months (hint: neither is an anthology, but both involve seriously awesome collaborations). I’m not sure on the date for one of them, but I can tell you that the other will happen right here on June 4^th. Yes, June 4^th! So go ahead, mark your calendars. I’ll wait. *Whistles.*

You’re back now? Good. I’m telling you, folks, this is going to be so fun! I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I am. 🙂

Okay, so the essence of a good tease is to at least give a little something, which is why I have two pieces of news that are actually in effect now.

Here’s the first piece:

I signed up for Pinterest.

Oh my god. Oh my god. How does anyone have any self-control with this program? I can already tell you that there will be hours spent drooling over men I consider part of my mental harem (one day, it will be my real life harem, don’t you worry), as well as hours on inspiring quotes, nail polish, glam looks, sexy photos, and, and, and… But I suppose it was bound to happen. So if you’re able and interested, please find me on there. You can check out my pretties and I’ll check out yours. (Heh.) I’m still light on boards but I see all sorts of potential, including one I might just whip up with images that make me think of the two lovely characters from my work in progress. Keep your eyes open!

Speaking of my WIP, I’ve been quiet for a bit on that, but a status update is the second piece of news I wanted to share. The book is called The Assignment, and the great news is that my wonderful betas finished and passed along some exciting feedback. Yay! So, now I’m about to launch one last edit before I send it out into the world to find a home. Then what’s next? Well, I have a novella dying to be written (okay, more like three), and I have a couple ideas to jot down for a possible sequel to the WIP. But that’s later—brewing, but later. And then of course there are a bunch of other things to work on, but I guess that’s what we do here in the writing world: project after project. I love it! 🙂

All right, so that’s the news for today. Stay close for more reveals very soon!

XX,
Jade

Brilliance: I Want to Lick Your Brain

Posted on May 7, 2014September 9, 2014 by Jade A. Waters

I have a strong suspicion this post should be subtitled Jade A. Waters Insanely Squeals About Her Crushes and Idols, but that seems so long.

Nonetheless, you’ve been warned.

Here’s the deal—the other day on Twitter, Valerie Alexander pointed out a kick ass song. It’s the Lana Del Rey version of “Once Upon a Dream” for the upcoming movie Maleficent. This song sent me squealing for a few reasons: I love Sleeping Beauty, I love the character of Maleficent, and most of all, every time I hear a Lana Del Rey song, I nearly want to lick her brain. I find her mesmerizing and clever, and her music gets me all worked up because it’s so hauntingly good.

To clarify, “I want to lick your brain” is not the same as a crush. For example, the aforementioned movie Maleficent stars one of my lifetime girl crushes—Angelina Jolie. She shares that title with Jennifer Connelly (come on, did you see her in, oh…every movie she ever did?), but these are still just crushes. And don’t even get me started on my male crushes—that list is so long I could write posts for years, starting with one on Hugh Jackman, in Wolverine and tap dancer form, separate or together. (Um, okay. Let’s go with together.)

But back to Lana…she’s one I want to brain-lick. She inspires thoughts and admiration, and a complete desire to somehow capture her essence in order to fire something creative in me. That is what it means to want to lick someone’s brain.

Let’s take another example. Remember Christopher Pike? He’s the author of such YA books as Whisper of Death, Remember Me, and Season of Passage. He rocked my reading world from age nine to eleven, and I still revisit his wickedly crafty writing about once a year. Now, granted, I do have a little crush on him because he’s SO DAMN BRILLIANT, and men who are that clever usually send a tingle up my spine, so we’ll call him a hybrid. That is, if I met Mr. Pike, I’d not only want to tongue every firing nerve in his head, but, I’d also willingly strip and lie down in the middle of the road to do whatever he asked. He’s just that good—he inspires me and turns me on. What a lucky fella. (Eh-hm. Paging Mr. Pike…)

Woman in stilettos sitting on a chair breaking from her book to stare at the ceiling in delight.

So. Damn. Good.

Most people I want to brain-lick can be classified as idols, but the term doesn’t seem to do them justice. A perfect example is Shanna Germain. This is a woman who is so brilliant that every time I finish one of her stories, I put the book down and utter a very loud, “Holy shit, Shanna, you’re fucking amazing.” Yes: Every. Single. Time. She is so inspiring I wish I could slow dance with her for hours in the hopes that I might mystically absorb some of her thoughts through proximity.

Another example is Alison Tyler. I’ve been worshipping her brain since I found her a few years back in Bedding Down with “It’s Not the Weather.” Nothing she writes disappoints—she’ll usually leave you stunned, stupefied, delighted, and wanting more. Then you add to Ms. Tyler’s phenomenal writing magic that she happens to be one of the nicest people on the planet, and maybe you can understand why I classify her as a brain-lick recipient. (Bonus: she’ll be hitting my blog next week for her Never Say Never blog tour. But put your tongue back in your mouth—I get her brain first.)

I have other brain-lick loves, but this post could go on for a while and I might sound a little crazier than I already do. Instead, I’m going to turn the question around on you—what’s your ultimate compliment for brilliance? Is it, “You’re fucking brilliant,” “You’re my idol,” “I want to capture your essence in a bottle,” or something else?

And more importantly, who is the recipient of your adoration, affection, and brain worshipping?

XX,
Jade

Me Against the Music

Posted on April 30, 2014September 9, 2014 by Jade A. Waters

Chances are, you already saw Round Three of Alison Tyler’s Smut Marathon. (If you didn’t, get on over there right now and VOTE!) This one was quite interesting for me—Alison Tyler asked us to write a short piece inspired by whatever song we wanted. Sounds so easy, right?

Um…nope.

See, I love music—but apparently I’m very particular about when I listen to it. The problem is that I’m a singer and a dancer, so I am virtually incapable of listening to music without joining in or bopping around in one way or another. To be clear, I sing all the time in my house, and my neighbors can probably tell you how annoying this is since I love practicing for Karaoke Night in the shower—even when it’s not Karaoke Night. Hell, even if it’s five in the morning. Whatever. I’m singing and dancing in the shower, the living room, the kitchen…

This limits most of my music consumption to two occasions: while I’m driving in my car, and while I’m working out (no, I don’t sing there). Sometimes, I listen when I clean, but often I forget to turn it on and am done before I think of it.

So here Alison Tyler rolls around and asks us to use a song for inspiration. For some reason, I translated this into attempting to listen to music while writing. FAIL. Every time I played the song and broke to write, I kept singing the lyrics—and did you know, it’s quite hard to write what’s in your head when you’re singing along to what someone else wrote from inside her head? Yeah. Impossible. Or at least, it was for me.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but my impression is that many writers are inspired by music and use it to motivate them to write. I think that’s amazing, because it distracts the hell out of me. I can listen to it well in advance and maybe get a feeling or two, but the tune that works best when I’m writing is the sound of my fingers flying over the keyboard and the story blaring itself through my head.

Fine, fine. Other authors don’t use music. Phew. I’m not alone…

But wait.

It occurs to me this problem of mine extends beyond writing—I prefer not to have sex to music, either. No, really. It’s that bad. I won’t stop mid-encounter and say, “Wait! Stop! We must turn off the music!” or anything, but I prefer these things on their own. When it comes to sex, I love every little sound—the catch of a breath, the roll of a budding moan, the smack of skin on skin, and even the gentle brush of a caress. All of that is incredibly sexy to me. And when it comes to music, I’m so overjoyed to hear said clever artist syncing this lyric with that bridge or wickedly intriguing tone that I can’t fully acclimate. In truth, there is some poor bloke out there who can tell you about an 18-year-old me more interested in cooing over Fiona Apple’s Tidal album than our make out session (all right, this might have had more to do with my mediocre enthusiasm about the encounter, but still, I feel for the guy).

Now, I have a friend who is obsessed with music, and he informs me this problem only happens because my “partner isn’t doing it right,” otherwise I’d “connect with the music and the man.” Huh. An interesting theory. Ironically, this friend and I briefly dated years ago, and while we never had sex, he did effectively seduce me in a slow dance to some seriously sexy songs…so okay, maybe he’s right.

Or, maybe I’m just a weirdo. I don’t know. Music and me: it’s a strange relationship. I’m not saying these things never happen simultaneously, but on the whole, I guess I like to savor my activities separately.

Now I’m curious—does anyone else have a problem pairing music with [fill in your chosen activity]? I’d love to know. Please share…or just tell me I’m crazy.

Either way, please don’t forget to vote. I worked hard on this round! 😉

XX,
Jade

Finished Edits, Good Friends, and Delicious News!

Posted on April 23, 2014September 9, 2014 by Jade A. Waters

Well, the craziest thing happened on Friday: I finished editing my book.

I wish I could tell you it was that simple, but it wasn’t. It was more like this:

Image from The Gif Garden on Tumblr

Weird, right?

To be completely honest, I didn’t feel finished. I’ve refined this editing process that some might call garden-variety OCD, but it works for me with short stories. Naturally, I thought I’d apply the method to a whole damn book. I mean, I outlined and wrote the thing in less than six weeks, so eight weeks of hardcore editing sounded completely reasonable.

The problem was that along the way, a few other life things had me at my stress max. Like, for example, a breakup. Oh and then the breakup, part two. There was also a tremendous amount of insomnia, and then for bonus kicks, my day job imploded. Fine, fine, no big deal. Next, I had pre-tendonitis in a thumb (what?), followed by pre-tendonitis in a finger on my opposite hand (spiffy). Then, my cat got sick and needed to be coned, which resulted in my two cats having to be separated for two weeks. (Note: cats body slamming and clawing at doors to get at one another may sound cute, but it’s not helpful for any sort of sleep factor. Or editing factor, for that matter.)

So cut to Friday, when I’m about to launch the “final” edit—and there it was: the final meltdown. I threw myself on the floor and kicked my feet in overwhelmed agony. There were even a few tears.

Luckily for me, Malin James came to my rescue. If you don’t know her, here’s a summary: she’s fucking fabulous. We had a seriously lovely phone call in which she talked me down for a good twenty minutes and reminded me that I was too close and probably too thorough, and I’d be editing again after my beta babes read it, so why not just send the manuscript on now?

SO I DID. I mean, when brilliance speaks, you listen.

After I let the book go, I felt like a mama bird pushing her baby chick out of the nest—maybe a little too early, but okay. I’m sure I looked something like this:

Oh my word. Is it done? Can we really call it done? Wahhhh...<br /> (Image from Gifs for the Masses on Tumblr)

Oh my word. Is it done? Can we really call it done? Wahhhh…
(Image from Gifs for the Masses on Tumblr)

Still, the proverbial weight was off my shoulders and I proceeded to enjoy my weekend. I finished a few things. I relaxed. I slept for two nights in a row. Oh my god. I SLEPT, guys. It was great.

Less than a week later, I’m slightly less insane more calm. I’ve dived into a couple new projects while my novel is in my beta babes’ hands. Hurray! After that, I might even ponder a sequel… 🙂

In the meantime, I have exciting news about a couple other people!

First, Alison Tyler is writing a sequel to Those Girls. Did you read Those Girls? If not, you’d better. Stat!

Also, next week, something awesome is happening. Look:

How cool is that? I can’t wait!

Okay. I think I’m finally calm now. Phew! And on top of that, I finished a book.

Which means…time for me to celebrate and write more!

XX,
Jade

P.S. Special thanks to my beta babes, who not only eagerly took the manuscript off my hands, but gave me further cheerful pep talks. Yeah, you know who you are. 😉

You Always Remember Your First

Posted on April 2, 2014January 7, 2016 by Jade A. Waters

Okay, no holds barred: I have a lot of firsts to share today.

For example, the first time I experienced anything akin to being turned on was watching Pepé Le Pew in Looney Tunes. No, really. I loved the French skunk. I loved the way he chased that pretty cat around and smothered her in affection. I particularly loved the way he held her and talked romantically into her ear, and how she swatted him away. For me, it was the chase—and while I imitated his lines because I liked the accent, I actually imagined some French person chasing me with affection and adoration one day. (Note: I have yet to date anyone French.)

My first kiss happened when I was seven. It was a dare. I’d had a crush on Michael for a whole year. He had this hair that looked like a Ken doll’s—it was short, blond, and wavy, but it somehow stayed close to his head (seven-year-olds don’t wear hairspray, right?). He always played football at lunch, so one day I stormed out and lectured him because he dropped the football. Yes. A seven-year-old, scolding another seven-year-old for dropping a football. Then, as he stared at me dumbfounded, I planted one on him. (Okay…maybe a little too much Pepé Le Pew viewing for me.)

My first “real” sexual experience happened under the murky sky of a light rain. I met a boy three years older than me and he walked me under a tree, where he cradled me in his lap and woke parts of me I didn’t realize existed. That experience was transformative—and lovely, to say the least.

The first time I had sex was with a different boy who also happened to be three years older. We wrote each other poetry and fantasized about living in other centuries together. Our relationship didn’t last long, but we did end up having one nostalgic fling almost four years later—when we drank wine, made love, and embraced while reading poetry to one another, all night long.

These are all some of my favorite firsts, but as open about these as I am, they’re not the firsts I meant to talk about.

You see, I wanted to talk about another first—the first erotica I ever read, because I will always, always remember it.

I read about sexual things at quite a young age—I’d devoured several V.C. Andrews and Christopher Pike novels by nine, for goodness sake—but in my early teens, I stumbled upon something on my mother’s bookcase: Delta of Venus by Anaïs Nin.

Now, I confess, I already knew what sex was, but I’d never truly read it. And while the contents of those pages mesmerized and delighted me, and I worship the great Anaïs Nin to this day, it didn’t occur to me that reading those pages could be a source of sexual excitement. I read them analytically, enthralled to discover that one could weave sexual words and scenes so eloquently—and yet I didn’t completely understand that it might “turn me on.” Maybe it did and I just didn’t pick up on it. Who knows. But it did make me want to read more.

So somewhere around there, I signed up for a book club. I could order as many books as I wanted (as long as I could afford them), and I thought this was the coolest thing since peanut butter. Soon, I grew bold. Right under my parents’ noses, I ordered The Best American Erotica 1993 and concealed the book under my bed. Night after night, I read the stories within—and while Anaïs Nin had opened my eyes, these stories rocked me. They made me hot. They made me whisper things to my boyfriends about the naughty things I was reading, and how we should try this, and that, and did you know you could do that?

Now, this is a very old collection, but there are two stories that I’ve never, ever forgotten—even two decades later. One was “Rubenesque” by Magenta Michaels, and the other “Five Dimes” by Anita ‘Melissa’ Mashman. “Rubenesque” showed me body love, exhibitionism, and anonymous sex, while “Five Dimes” showed me lovers having fun and exploring. In fact, I may well have talked a boyfriend into playing “Five Dimes” with me. (You’ll have to read the story to understand what that means, but I assure you, it’s hot.)

So yes, technically, my first was Anaïs Nin. But the first I really remember, the first that got my pulse racing, my cheeks pink, and my body covered in goose bumps—that first happened with The Best American Erotica 1993.

I haven’t stopped reading erotica since.

Now, as for the other firsts—they’re delightful memories, too…which brings me to you.

Do you know what I’d love to hear? YOUR firsts. First kiss, first turn-on, first sex, first sexy read—you pick. Maybe if I’m really lucky, this space will serve as your very first confession! 😉

Can’t wait to hear…

XX,
Jade

P.S. The results of Alison Tyler’s Smut Marathon Round 2 are up—check them out here! (I survived! Hurray!)

“Nice Shoes. Wanna Fuck?”…Or, The Joy of Pick Up Lines

Posted on March 12, 2014September 14, 2014 by Jade A. Waters

Seeing as how it’s March, and I planned to edit my book this month, I’ve been doing just that—editing, editing, and then more editing. I’m about a third of the way through, which means my couple has already found their way past initial attraction and have moved well into…other things. 😉 But, in following their journey, I’ve been thinking a lot about what lines bring people together. Our initial attraction is often visual, but after that, there has to be an “in.” One party needs to open his or her mouth and actually say something.

And sometimes, what comes out is a good old-fashioned pick up line.

That idea got me thinking about pick up lines in general—who uses them, how they use them, and if they’re effective. For some reason I’m eternally tickled by pick up lines, especially when they’re used well. I’ve experienced a few (kudos to you, random man on street who burst into song with “One” written by Harry Nilsson—that was pretty clever). And I admit I’ve used some, too (“So…do you dance, or just stand there looking handsome?”—FYI, that shockingly worked). Still, most of my favorites are classics that would never be used in real life:

“If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

“I’m an organ donor. Need anything?”

“Your clothes would look good on my bedroom floor.”

“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”

I have a good friend who sticks to a tamer variety of lines, and apparently had great success with them for years: “Hi. Want to go back to my place and take a shower?” or the less obtrusive version, “Hey, would you like a massage?” (You know who you are, dude.)

It doesn’t really matter what the line is per se; we all know they mean the same thing—nice shoes, wanna fuck?

I guess this is why pick up lines amuse me. There are thousands of variations despite every single party knowing they are covers for the more direct question, which in some cases would have been less offensive/ridiculous/entertaining (choose one) in the first place.

So what about you? Have you ever seriously used a pick up line or heard a good one? Do you love or hate them?

And what are your favorites? Please leave me a note below! I’m hoping someone will throw out a rare gem. Will it be you?

If so…you must be a laser set on stunning! 😉

XX,
Jade

So, the Novel’s Done

Posted on January 29, 2014September 14, 2014 by Jade A. Waters

I bet you’re all still a little dizzy from my post last week with Alison Tyler. Me too!

However, despite the party I’ve been throwing over here, I ended up buckling down and finishing my first erotica book in the last week, too. In truth, I typed “The End” over a week ago, but I didn’t want to call it done, like stick a fork in it D-U-N done, until I handled all those pesky bracketed notes I’d left for myself.

There were 147 of them, after all. And while some of them were amusing, perhaps for only me—[where the hell did her shoes go?] and [what is that one type of jacket with the things and the stuff?]—there were 147 of them. But, as of Sunday, they’re all handled! The book ended up being 87,000 words rather than 90,000, but I was clearly at the end of this darling couple’s journey…at least for this segment.

So what now? Well, I strongly believe in the simmer theory. I gave the file a great big kiss and closed it up with red tape. It is not to be opened for editing until March 1st. This works out surprisingly well, since there are a gazillion short story submission deadlines in March. They’re calling me and a couple other erotica author pals like a siren song, to the point where one of these lovely ladies dubbed them The Calls. (Yes, with capitals. It’s that serious.) Basically, I will be churning out short stories for a month. And when I say “churn,” it’s looking to be about seven stories. Or ten. Depends on how ambitious I’m feeling. I suspect switching from the pace of 87k to 1-5k will require a sharp downshift, but I’m ready. I love shorts!

Speaking of, after tackling all those bracketed notes Sunday, I reopened a short story I’d written over the summer. I have a lot to say about this piece that I’m going to save for a later date, but what I can say is that it was probably one of the most emotional things I’ve ever written. Editing it was almost as difficult as writing it—tears everywhere—and I’m still trying to figure out where it came from. I think sometimes, as writers, we get into the grind of creation, and every once in a while we surprise ourselves. That’s what this piece was for me. For now, I’m filing it away until I can figure out what to do with it. 🙂

So, in summary, yes, the novel is done—but there are plenty of things ahead to keep me occupied until it’s time to crack it open and edit. And that’s the nature of this thing, I suppose. Go, go, go….

Till next time.

XX,
Jade

Progress!

Posted on January 15, 2014September 14, 2014 by Jade A. Waters

Nothing like a little progress, right? So today, I thought I’d post a short update on my WIP.

In my last post, I mentioned I was too far along in my first erotica novel to get one of those delightful little counters.

Yeah, so I caved.

Jade’s Book Progress:

They’re just so cute!

I planned for this book to run about 80k, but since I’m a big fan of the editing process (translation: I’m a ninja word assassin), I opted to aim high in order to make nice, strong cuts as necessary when I go back in for editing. I have a few strategies I’ve used on my previous, non-erotica works, but I wanted to share Remittance Girl’s recent post about the editing process. It’s great guidance if you haven’t seen it yet (and if you aren’t following her, you should!).

I also have a tendency to write things in brackets, like [need better word] when I’d rather cruise on through my draft than get hung up on diction. That said, there’s still some “find and replace” work to do for my bounty of brackets once I hit that beautiful 90k mark …but even that experience is strangely fun. This whole process, honestly, is fun. I love writing short stories, but the act of working through an entire full-length is challenging and exhilarating in a totally different way.

Consider me hooked!

Meanwhile, back in the short story realm, I have some exciting news ahead…but you’ll have to wait for it a bit longer.

Know what else you have to wait for? My fabulous and delightful surprise guest next week! But, the good news is that you only have 7 days to wait. That’s right. Seven. Think you can hang?

Maybe I need to make a counter for that, too! 😉

XX,
Jade