“Nice Shoes. Wanna Fuck?”…Or, The Joy of Pick Up Lines

Seeing as how it’s March, and I planned to edit my book this month, I’ve been doing just that—editing, editing, and then more editing. I’m about a third of the way through, which means my couple has already found their way past initial attraction and have moved well into…other things. 😉 But, in following their journey, I’ve been thinking a lot about what lines bring people together. Our initial attraction is often visual, but after that, there has to be an “in.” One party needs to open his or her mouth and actually say something.

And sometimes, what comes out is a good old-fashioned pick up line.

That idea got me thinking about pick up lines in general—who uses them, how they use them, and if they’re effective. For some reason I’m eternally tickled by pick up lines, especially when they’re used well. I’ve experienced a few (kudos to you, random man on street who burst into song with “One” written by Harry Nilsson—that was pretty clever). And I admit I’ve used some, too (“So…do you dance, or just stand there looking handsome?”—FYI, that shockingly worked). Still, most of my favorites are classics that would never be used in real life:

“If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”

“I’m an organ donor. Need anything?”

“Your clothes would look good on my bedroom floor.”

“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”

I have a good friend who sticks to a tamer variety of lines, and apparently had great success with them for years: “Hi. Want to go back to my place and take a shower?” or the less obtrusive version, “Hey, would you like a massage?” (You know who you are, dude.)

It doesn’t really matter what the line is per se; we all know they mean the same thing—nice shoes, wanna fuck?

I guess this is why pick up lines amuse me. There are thousands of variations despite every single party knowing they are covers for the more direct question, which in some cases would have been less offensive/ridiculous/entertaining (choose one) in the first place.

So what about you? Have you ever seriously used a pick up line or heard a good one? Do you love or hate them?

And what are your favorites? Please leave me a note below! I’m hoping someone will throw out a rare gem. Will it be you?

If so…you must be a laser set on stunning! 😉

XX,
Jade

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21 Comments

  1. So, I’ve never actually used a pick up line.. unless “hey handsome, kiss me,” counts, (for what it’s worth he did). The most over the top line someone’s ever used on me was from a woman, actually, who said “Holy shit! You’re gorgeous! Wanna be a lesbian for a night?” Points for moxy, but I can’t say it worked 😉

  2. I do think of cute, witty or funny pickup lines at times, but I always choke when an opportunity arises … not sure if I’m a coward or just think I would sound like a douche-bag if I did say one lol.
    BTW Malin “hey handsome, kiss me,” would totally work on me

    • Yes, I suppose that’s the problem – some take them well, and others don’t. And sometimes they’re not meant in a cute way (which I doubt is the case with you!). Still, they’re ever so fun to hear. (And Malin’s IS good!) Thanks for commenting!

  3. some I saw somewhere that cracked me up…which i’ve never use btw…lol:

    Do you know karate? ‘Cause your body is really kickin’.

    What time do you get off? Can I watch?

    Like the sheets on your bed I want to cover you with love.

    If you were aspirin, I would take you every four to six hours.

    What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.

    Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let’s go to my room and put our pieces together.

    Do you want to make millions? Millions of babies!

    Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

    Excuse me. I’m from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I’m going to have to ask you to assume the position.

    Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

    I’ve got the ship; you’ve got the harbor… what say we tie up for the night?

    If you don’t wanna have kids with me, then why don’t we just practice?

    Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?

    Screw me if I’m wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.

    Have you ever played “Spank the brunette”? Want to try?

    That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

    Hey baby…mind if I take my pants off?

    Hey I’m looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

    Do you spit or swallow?

    The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s say we head back to your place and spread the word.

    You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a hole filed of you!

    Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.

    I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.

    If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.

    Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

    Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?

    Why don’t you come over here, sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?

    “So, did you here the one about the guy and the girl who had the most sexual relationship?” (“No.”) “Well then, let’s go to my place and I’ll tell you all about it.”

    Of course there’s lots of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d love to catch and mount back at my place.

    I’ve been a bad boy/girl. Spank me!

    I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.

    Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.

    You’re like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.

    You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don’t even own a car…

    How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized?

    • Well some of those are phenomenal! I particularly like “If you were an aspirin” and “Do you know what would look good on you?” And there are a few on here I’ve actually heard…live (they didn’t work). 🙂 Thanks for sharing them!

    • I know, it’s fabulous, isn’t it? I have to confess I’ve used “I have nice shoes. Wanna fuck?” before—but it was with someone I was seeing already so the surprise element was a little lost… As for the real line, hopefully you hear it someday! 😉 Thanks for commenting, Jade.

      • Classic! I get some super sleazy ones on swinger sites… I’ve received a variation on ‘nice shoes…’ along the lines of ‘I want to rub my cock between your stiletto heels and cum all aver your shoes. Lovely! Another favourite was ‘You’re staying at my place on Saturday, I’ll even change the sheets.’ Charmed, I’m sure! I’ve blogged more sleaze here… http://wp.me/p4gIAl-4X

        • Wow! Those are quite blatant (though I think the Saturday one is fun). The case is definitely that the sleazier the lines are, the closer to the point they get, which works (or doesn’t, depending on the recipient). 🙂 I’ll check out your site! Thanks for commenting, Cava!

          • So true! Ironically, the ones I answer tend to be along the lines of, ‘Hi I read your profile, we’ve got some stuff in common’ followed by a list of our common interests. Guys on those sites think they need some sort of uber macho, stallion-like persona. All they need to do is be polite – not rocket science! Thanks for your comment too 🙂 x

  4. My current girlfriend used “nice shoes, wanna fuck?” when the “so, we’re friends but maybe we could try–” conversation got too awkward. It worked.

    The best bad line ever? At a dance club in Texas. This stunning curly-haired denim-clad girl who looked like she’d just walked out of a country song came up to the bar. I asked if I could buy her a drink. She looked me up and down and with a completely straight face said “Absolutely. I’ll take a red-headed slut.”

    • I love it! That’s fabulous. Drink names are often workable in bars, it’s true (especially if you’re a redhead!). As for “nice shoes,” I am pleased someone else heard it because I strongly believe it needs more play. Kudos to you and your girlfriend. 🙂 Thanks so much for visiting and commenting, Nic! May you hear many good pick up lines in your future!

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